Originally posted on JANUARY 1, 2018
“It’s gon’ all work out sooner than later,
You don’t have to worry ‘bout tomorrow.
It’s gon’ work out in your favor.
Just keep your head to the sky,
Keep your eyes on the prize.”
Lecrae | 8:28
It’s been a whole year since I’ve blogged, so let me just apologize for leaving you all hanging for so long. It’s been a crazy year for me: my girlfriend returned from Italy after a grueling semester, I ran for Student Association (SA) President and won, a very close family member has been dealing with health problems, I’m dealing with my own health struggles, and I’ve been trying to balance what it means to be an effective, innovative President and mentor, while trying to be a great friend and boyfriend all at once. It’s been nonstop, and a lot of the time, I’ve felt alone in my work. Brace yourselves for some sentimentality, but hey, if you’re still here then I’m glad you still value the moments when I can sit and write to you all. Welcome back to Phil’s Philosophies.
I started 2017 with all of these ideas, visions, and goals. Things I had thought about for years have come to fruition over the course of this year. I’ve loved my job as President since the beginning. The meetings, the events, the freedom to be creative and innovative, and even the freedom to fail. There’s been so many moments, however, when I have struggled to get up after something rough happens.
“I hate the way you dress. You’re unfit to be President because you are not professional;” “You are so disorganized and I never know what I’m doing;” “This decision makes you into a dictator like some of those who have come before you;” Behind each of these statements are moments when I have been caught off guard by a co-worker, church member, and even friends. My backpack has been stuffed with stones, and I’ve been reluctant to surrender them. I have pushed myself relentlessly to make sure that things happen the way I envision them, sometimes not trusting in the One who put me in my position in the first place.
“I thought I was a leader.
Hurt so many people,
All I see is teardrops when I try to go to sleep…”
Lecrae | Worth It
King Solomon spent his youth using his wisdom given from God, but as he grew older, he began to depend on himself and his desires, and in some way, I have, too. The long nights I’ve spent putting in work finally caught up to me when I went to the doctor’s office only for her to tell me my health condition was not improving. “Three months and you’ll need to make a decision. We can do this without surgery, but only if you agree to aggressively take care of yourself,” my doctor said as I looked at her in disbelief.
Here I am, still in this trial period before my next appointment with my doctor. I’ve got a little more than two months left and all I can do is start surrendering stones one by one. All the huge programs and ideas I have will have to take a backseat to my health, and it’s hard to stomach, but I’ve decided it’s no longer in my hands. If I was put into this position, then I was never really the President after all. I tried to do it myself, and I’ve realized that I am not the One. If our God is for us, then who can be against us? So, I’ve been taking this verse and encouraging tunes into consideration whenever I’m hit with strife. 2017 was terrifying for so many of us in so many ways. Maybe for you, it was anxiety about politics, intense hurricanes, death, or abandonment. We all have our struggles, but don’t lose hope in 2018. It’s worth it.
Until next time, philosophers.
“It’s just a little dirt, it’s just a little stain.
Trust me, you’re still worth it,
Just goin’ through the pain.
It’s just a little tear, don’t you worry, God is here.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Lecrae | Worth It